There are certain times as a games reviewer when you get given a game to review that could be classed as rather obscure. Recently I was assigned, Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator to review and it was a game I didn’t know too much about going in to it but I didn’t necessarily need to as the clue was in the title which gave me an idea of what to expect. It is essentially a duelling game where you throw insults at your opponent which are made up of a selection of lines to choose from. You take turns in trying to drain each other’s energy bar by compiling a sentence of insults that humiliates your opponent and each one is scored accordingly based on combos and multipliers. The lines you get are completely random and you have to do your best to make up an insult with what you’re given. You do get an option to add 2 secret phrases of your own that are hidden from your opponent that add a little bit of mystery to what you could say next.
There are a few game modes to choose from including Insult Your CPU, Insult a Human, which is the online and offline multiplayer and a Tournament Mode where you go through 5 stages with the finale placing you in heaven, taking on God, who sounds a lot like someone doing a really bad impression of Morgan Freeman. The online mode worked as well as it should and the tournament is fairly short, taking on average around 30 minutes to complete. There are 9 characters in total which includes a few new characters that can be unlocked by playing the different modes and there are 4 conflict scenarios that act as the backdrop in your matches.
On paper this game sounds like it could be fun, and it is for the first 5 minutes, but after that it just turns into an underwhelming annoying borefest that just becomes very tiresome very quickly. Some of the insults are ridiculous and don’t make any sense and the rare ones that do make sense don’t actually score as high as the ones that are just a bunch of random words. For example an insult compiled of “Your car had a massive romp with elderberries, and your seat was defeated by your sister” actually scored more points than “Your wife smells of battered cod and she enjoyed Batman v Superman and secretly adores your pimply a**e”. Now I thought the latter would score more as it’s pretty funny, but apparently the game thinks otherwise and this just proves that this game doesn’t make any sense and why it loses its appeal pretty quickly.
The graphics are pretty terrible with blocky obscure character models accompanied by some underwhelming backdrops and a rather murky colour palette that doesn’t give the game any personality whatsoever. The audio is choppy and doesn’t flow very well at all mainly when the characters are saying the completed insults which end up sounding very robotic and unnatural. The gameplay is pretty nonexistent, is incredibly simple and has no depth at all with it consisting of just selecting sentences from a list with the odd press of A to select or X to generate the secret phrases so there really isn’t anything to it. The one plus to this game is that it only costs £2.39 so if you’re still slightly tempted in purchasing this underwhelming experience then you’ve only wasted a couple of quid once you get passed that initial 5 minutes before realising that it’s quickly losing its appeal and that it’s just pretty rubbish overall and definitely isn’t a Simulator either.